Sunday, September 5, 2010
Jealousy, Stress. Pain. Lonliness.
Everything is killing me now. Weak is the word for it. Nothing more, nothing less I guess.
Seriously, its like, I know I am getting jealous very easily, often losing my mood due to it. I know. Because I am also stress. Of course I am stress, because I am all alone. and its painful. Everything is linked. Like many may know, although I always go ahead with things, I only do it if I know someone is backing me. Someone is supporting me through. But this round there is no one. And I am not that strong. I know it. Because its me.
I am weak when alone. Very weak.
I go to work everyday. The most I can even try is putting on make up daily, to look my best. But it isn't gonna work.
I look around. Dresses, skirts, mini jeans. I get jealous. Seriously. Very jealous. I don't know any more. I really feel so constricted.
Clothes is a form of expression. Simple and bland clothes, is simply bland and simple, often restricted. nuff said.
ANd no. my family is not back me up.
With this alone, I cannot be myself @ home, unless I close and lock shut my door.
Of course, with this. STRESS lah.
No stress then weird.
I can safely say, stress is has no fixed form. No fix limit, no fix weight. Its just there. I get stress from everything. Lonliness. Home. Restricted. Work. and now, I am not up to standard.
That is of course.
I know my mind has not been clear. Its just clogging. I release it when I am my self. The stress.
Now many times, I can't.
I cannot be myself.
That itself kills me.
Its so painful. I don't know anymore.
My body is already driving me mad. Now my daily life has to.
Seriously, I have been told to buck up. But I don't even know if I am capable to do so any more.
Snap. Break, Piak.
Thats what will happen to me.
Both emotionally, physically and educationally. I know my 3 months is @ stake. I can't save myself. I need help. I want to ask. I don't know who will hear me out. I am @ my limit.
If only at this time, a prince would come and save me. I would be so glad.
Fairy tales are fairy tales.
They won't happen.
80% of the men are simply scums and beings that solely exist with their fucking balls and pride and ego shit.
which is also why being stuck in this body is so painful. I feel so stuck.
No where to move.
I won;t run. I want to face it.
But alone I am scared. But at the end of the day. I will be alone.
Crying.
*[[ Bounded By Chains... ]]*
|12:58 AM|
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Jealousy, Stress. Pain. Lonliness.
Everything is killing me now. Weak is the word for it. Nothing more, nothing less I guess.
Seriously, its like, I know I am getting jealous very easily, often losing my mood due to it. I know. Because I am also stress. Of course I am stress, because I am all alone. and its painful. Everything is linked. Like many may know, although I always go ahead with things, I only do it if I know someone is backing me. Someone is supporting me through. But this round there is no one. And I am not that strong. I know it. Because its me.
I am weak when alone. Very weak.
I go to work everyday. The most I can even try is putting on make up daily, to look my best. But it isn't gonna work.
I look around. Dresses, skirts, mini jeans. I get jealous. Seriously. Very jealous. I don't know any more. I really feel so constricted.
Clothes is a form of expression. Simple and bland clothes, is simply bland and simple, often restricted. nuff said.
ANd no. my family is not back me up.
With this alone, I cannot be myself @ home, unless I close and lock shut my door.
Of course, with this. STRESS lah.
No stress then weird.
I can safely say, stress is has no fixed form. No fix limit, no fix weight. Its just there. I get stress from everything. Lonliness. Home. Restricted. Work. and now, I am not up to standard.
That is of course.
I know my mind has not been clear. Its just clogging. I release it when I am my self. The stress.
Now many times, I can't.
I cannot be myself.
That itself kills me.
Its so painful. I don't know anymore.
My body is already driving me mad. Now my daily life has to.
Seriously, I have been told to buck up. But I don't even know if I am capable to do so any more.
Snap. Break, Piak.
Thats what will happen to me.
Both emotionally, physically and educationally. I know my 3 months is @ stake. I can't save myself. I need help. I want to ask. I don't know who will hear me out. I am @ my limit.
If only at this time, a prince would come and save me. I would be so glad.
Fairy tales are fairy tales.
They won't happen.
80% of the men are simply scums and beings that solely exist with their fucking balls and pride and ego shit.
which is also why being stuck in this body is so painful. I feel so stuck.
No where to move.
I won;t run. I want to face it.
But alone I am scared. But at the end of the day. I will be alone.
Crying.
*[[ Bounded By Chains... ]]*
|12:58 AM|
kameyo
